Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Now I remember why I hate going to the doctor...

So, I decided to up my volunteerism this year. My friend Diane suggested the local hospital as a good way to meet people, make a contribution and stay off the streets and out of trouble. I dropped by the volunteer office and they handed me a STACK of papers to fill out including a physical form to make sure you are healthy enough to volunteer. (wouldn't want any sick people hanging out at the hospital, I guess)

At any rate yesterday I got my admittedly long over due physical.

My records have been lost somewhere along the line of our many moves, so they did tidors to see which inoculations I DON'T need and threw in a tetanus shot, because" if you can't remember when you last had one, you probably need one". Hate shots. Hate needles.

Then they sign me up for a mammogram. I have long suspected that this instrument of annual female torture was invented by a MAN and it was a French guy. Wonder how he would like it if I invented a machine with ice cold clamp to squeeze his package so tight he screamed??? Sadist!

THEN he says, because of my family history of colon cancer, I should go have a colonoscopy done. GREAT! My feeling is, some doors are meant to be "in" doors and some doors are meant to be "out" doors. That is definitely an "out" door!!! It's against nature to go in an out!!! Doesn't he know that? He does, but he schedules it anyway.
Getting old sucks. But I'm having all the tests done not because I'm afraid to die
, but because there's no way I am letting my husband be a widower and end up marrying some bimbo with large...accouterments.


Susie Q said...

I laughed so hard when I read that last bit that Coke flew out of my nose! Oh yeah baby! You ARE my kinda woman! (I always knew that anyhoo!)


Joe Pollhein, Sr. said...

I'll take you over a blonde bimbo with large "accoutrements" any day, baby! You so funny!

Kim said...

Ha Ha Ha !!!!!!!! I almost dropped mt coffee lol lol lol . I agree No Pam Anderson clones for the men. LOL

Diane said...

I just read this and am still laughing!! You are too funny!

So when does the volunterring begin? I'm proud of you for doing it and the hospital is VERY fortunate to get a volunteer with the kind of medical background/knowledge you have.