Saturday, September 16, 2006

It's a wonderful life

Yesterday, for the first time since we moved to this place, I had a whole day to my self. I could do anything I wanted to do. So many ideas went through my head! But do you know what I ended up doing? NOTHING!
I feel like my life is at a crossroads. Sure, there are the children, husband and home to care for, but #1) It's not that hard when the kids and husband are gone all day.
#2) Aforementioned kids will be all grown up and gone before I know it.
And #3) The house is rented. Any fixing mowing or painting that needs doing is someone else's business.
I feel I should volunteer somewhere. That is important to me, since I am so blessed.
Next, I would like to write or create somehow. (The time I spend doing this makes me feel somewhat guilty. Like, I'm Marie Antoinette at a tea party while others are starving). I would like to learn new things...College? That would be great in a perfect world, but not very realistic right now. Maybe just classes of some sort.
Maybe I should concentrate on self-improvement...starting with my weight. I was a beautiful woman. I still am on the inside, but on the outside..OMG!!! I'm not so much anymore. I know I'm lazy when I'm not motivated. Maybe somewhere deep down inside I'm waiting for a health crisis or something before I take action. How stupid is that? And generally speaking, I'm not a stupid woman.
I'm sure there's a deep, dark, psychological reason for my behavior. And it would be nice to know what it is. But until I do, maybe I should just challenge myself, in front of the world to make myself the best I can be physcially, spritually and mentally.
So here I am in front of the world! Vowing to become the woman I know I can be and starting that journey today. ohhhhhh! It's scarey!

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