Thursday, September 25, 2008

Advice for my sons

.Take your sunglasses off indoors. This includes elevators and planes.
. Don’t salt your food until you’ve tasted it.
. Enter a talent show.
. Never turn down a girl’s invitation to dance.
. Never skip practice.
. When it comes to shoveling snow, the earlier you start, the easier the job.
. Order the local specialty.
. Drive across the country. Don’t rush.
. If it’s cold, wear a jacket. Nobody is macho when they’re sick.
. There’s nothing wrong with musical theater.
. Have a signature dish, even if it’s your only one.
. If you aren’t a starter, stay close to the coach and be ready to play.
. Don’t be in a rush to settle down.
. Own good luggage.
. Learn to drive a stick shift.
. If you get yourself arrested, call me. You get one free pass.
. Smile at pretty girls.
. Be careful not to ogle girls at the beach. That’s why God invented sunglasses.
. Jump in with your clothes on.
. Be quick with a “good morning.”
. Freedom is your right, but citizenship is earned.
. Believe it or not, a museum is a great place to beat a hangover. It’s cool, quiet, and full of water fountains.
. Keep your room clean. One day you’ll have roommates.
. Never leave a job without securing your next employment. But when it’s time to go, don’t hesitate.
. If you are tempted to wear a cowboy hat, resist.
. Find yourself a good hideout.
. Know the proper time to wear a tuxedo. It’s more often than you think.
. Know the proper time to chew gum. It’s less often than you think.
. Be cool to the younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.
. Always stop at a lemonade stand. Tip well.
. If you’re going to quote someone, get it right.
. Be confident on the subway.
. Wait for your song to play on the jukebox.
. The best thing to do in the rain is be quiet and listen.
. Go all out on Halloween.
. Dance with your partner, not at her. But don’t forget to lead.
. Traveling to a foreign city is an excuse to dress up, not down.
. Take the time to get a shoeshine.
. Don’t get all fancy about your beer or coffee.
. Don’t let the ice cream truck get away.
. Don’t burn bridges.
. Participate in a good practical joke.
. Offer your name when greeting someone. Even good friends have lousy memories.
. If your mother is watching, wear a helmet.
. Hustle.
. Never sit down on a ball field. Take a knee.
. Despite what you may hear, not everyone’s a winner. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t play.
. Keep hardback copies of your favorite books. Donate the rest to a local exchange.
. Treat your body well. You’ll be glad you did when you are a dad.
. Be beholden to no one. Pay in cash.
. There is no better remedy than a dip in the ocean.
. Avoid affectations, lest they become habits.
. Remember to thank your hosts.
. On stage is no time to be shy.
. If you don’t know what a word means, ask. Before it’s too late.
. Know your neighborhood like the back of your hand.
. Sometimes the best adventures are in your own backyard.
. Start a band.
. Know her dress size. Don’t ask.
. Don’t spit.. On occasion, pick up the tab.
. Don’t poke fun at contemporary art. Put it in context.
. The key to good photography is not timing. It’s editing.
. Don’t be shy in the locker room. They’re all thinking the same thing.
. A vandal is the lowest form of scoundrel.. Be a good listener. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk.
. “Ma’am” and “Sir” will get you far.
. Short pants are for little boys. Decide for yourself when you are a man.
. Always meet your date at the door.
. When in doubt, wear a tie.
. On a road trip, offer to buy the first tank of gas.
. Make a rock and roll pilgrimage.
. Sing along. But only if you know the words.
. Never pack more than you can carry yourself.
. Take the stairs.

.“A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.” (Robert Heinlein)

. Root for the home team, even when they suck.
. Have a reliable hangout.
. Nothing good ever happens after 3 am. I promise.
. Sit in the front of the classroom.
. Finish what you start, especially books.
. At funerals, a dark suit is fine. You shouldn’t own a black one.
. Don’t loiter where there is a dispute that does not concern you.
. When speaking with a journalist, choose your words carefully.
. Don’t be a mooch.
. When using a saw, patience not strength is needed to make the smoothest cut.
. Never criticize a book, play, or film unless you have read or seen it yourself. Art is full of surprises.
. Be a good passer, but don’t forget to shoot.
. The most expensive restaurant isn’t always the best.
. Remember, the girl you’re with is somebody’s sister. And he’s perfectly capable of kicking your ass.
. Wear a sport coat when traveling by plane. It has easily accessible pockets.
. Keep your word.
. Never side against your brother in a fight.
. Memorize the Bill of Rights and your favorite poem.
. Respect fire, the ocean and electricity.
. Philanthropy is not measured in dollars and cents.
. Take the train.
. Don’t spend too much money on a haircut. They don’t last.
. On a city sidewalk, walk briskly and don’t impede pedestrian traffic. If you have to stop, move to the side.
. Attend lots of weddings. Your friends will be there and the food is always good.
. Read a newspaper every day. Don’t forget the funny pages.
. Send postcards.
. Draw what you see, not what you think is there.
. Exercise in the morning.
. Be patient with airplane personnel. It’ll pay off with better service.
. Offer your seat to a woman, no matter how old she is.
. You won’t always be the strongest or fastest. You can be the toughest.
. Call your mom.
. In the long run, loyalty trumps ambition every time.
. Watch a lightning storm from a safe spot. But watch ‘em.
. When caught in a riptide, swim parallel to the beach.
. Wrap your own presents. Aluminum foil works in a pinch and you don’t need tape.
. Remember birthdays and give thoughtful gifts.
. Don’t litter. Ever.
. Be a well-informed voter.
. Honking your horn won’t make anyone go faster.
. If you absolutely have to fight, punch first and punch hard. Aim for the nose.
. When in the woods, be quiet.
. Keep your eye on the ball and follow through. In sports and in life.
. Eat more vegetables.
. Write thank you notes promptly on personalized correspondence cards.
. Girls like boys who shower.
. Never welch on a bet. Better yet, don’t gamble.
. Stand up for the little guy.
. Learn to change a tire and fix a belt. For everything else, take it to a garage.
. Never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room. You’ll be surprised how often it works.
. Buy Regular Gas.
. When shaking hands, grip firmly and look him in the eye.
. Be a Vigorous Dancer. However, you are under no obligation whatsoever to join a conga line.
. You Can Never Overdress .
....found this morning on bits and pieces


Susie Q said...

What a wonderful post! You are a very special lady and such a great Mom. It is the best job isn't it?
I loved this list....

Michelle said...

What a great list! I'm glad I finally had the time to sit and read it :)

Paula said...

I love this! It should be posted in all of our houses somewhere!