Monday, October 10, 2005


We've had an addition to our family this weekend. #3 son's friend has been here since Friday after school. This child's mom called me Thursday evening and asked if we could keep him for the weekend. Her elder and younger sons were "going visiting" too.

You see, this woman is spending her weekend cleaning a rental property left filthy by the last tenants, so that she and the children can move in their. Her husband has taken up with another woman and will be moving in with her, leaving his family homeless.

Now, I know this lady only slightly, but she seems very nice. But there's 2 sides to every story and I'm sure she probably contributed to the breakdown of her marriage. BUT, what I cannot fathom is how this man can turn his back on his own children. What kind of a human being, essentially tells he 3 children "I don't want your mom anymore and you guys are cutting in to my time with my new honey and my sex life is more important then all of you combined, so see ya"?
What are these people thinking? How can they be so selfish? So totally blind to the pain they're causing?

When are we as a society going to stand up and say it is not all right to sacrifice your family. It is not socially acceptable to walk away from your wife and kids and start over when the going gets to rough? When are we going to insist that people take personal responsibility for the children that they made? I'm not talking just financial responsibility either, kids need fathers' time and attention. They need to know that THEY are the most important things in their own parents lives.

My heart breaks for this family. But they're just one of many, many families broken by selfishness and anger. The courts even allow children to live or visit parents living in immoral and even unsafe conditions. "Life style choices" and the availability of easy"no fault divorces" have become more sacred then our own responsibility to our spouse and babies. Social workers and family court judges justify their own existence by putting one person's selfish desires ahead of the legal, moral, financial and spiritual needs of their own families, thus, perpetuating the need for these "family service" providers.

I spent the last year working in a social service position and almost every case I saw was the result, not of illness or misfortune, but poor choices made by both individuals and those agencies set up to "help" them. Something is very wrong in a society where the fruits of ignorance and sin are perpetuated by the "solutions" that that society offers.

People do dopey things. People make bad choices. Nobody is perfect and I know that. That is just how human beings are. But this should not excuse them from the consequences of their actions. Forgive them? Yes. But don't excuse them from their responsibilities they have in cleaning up their own messes.

My own dear husband takes his vacation time and teaches wood working at Scout camp. He coaches little league and shows up for every band concert, football game, parent teacher conference and doctor's appointment. He loves his children and he loves his wife (and I suspect this is true even on those days he doesn't like us much)! I am conviced he could have done much better then me, but he chose me and he's sticking with me and our family, because he honors his commitments and values his family. Too me, he is what all parents should be: loving, concerned and there. He's a hero to our children and to me and if you'll pardon me for saying so, I think he's a great role model for other fathers too. He's what a dad should be.

I still pray for a reconciliation in the case of the other family. God can work miracles and turn hearts back to him and to unselfish love. I hope this happens for them. I also hope that maybe other moms or dads who know them too and who are maybe considering leaving will see the pain and sorrow in the eyes of this woman and these children and will decide to stay and love their families, even if right now, they wish they could start again. They owe those babies that.

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